Toilet Use is Highly Overrated

This is the reason I did not post a Media Monday item last Monday, and one of the reasons I haven't posted anything in the past couple of weeks: POTTY TRAINING. Yes, I am attempting--seriously this time--to teach my child to pee and poop, reliably, in the toilet. This pursuit has become a family affair, has monopolized conversations and thoughts and free time for weeks, and I am so sick of it. Potty training stinks.

So, for Media Monday, I am highlighting the book that has occupied my time and brain for the past few weeks: Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day: Proven Secrets of the Potty Pro by Teri Crane. Go ahead, laugh it up, all of you moms who have spent weeks, months, and years potty training your children. And for you moms with kids who "just taught themselves": shush it up. Okay, that was harsh, and I'm kidding. I think you're all fabulous. But some of the strain is starting to show.

So the idea of the book is that you throw this elaborate party for your potty trainee, complete with a theme, decorations, snacks, potty videos and books, activities, and a grand celebration at the end of the day. You spend the first half of the day potty training a doll (who actually has accidents and successes: yellow-dyed water and Raisinets...). The doll has her own potty chart with stickers, and is rewarded for using the toilet, trying to use the toilet, and staying dry. The child gets to choose a sticker, as well as a treat each time she shows progress (see the lovely array of choices below).

During the 2nd half of the day, you kick it into high gear and start training your child (it's assumed that your kid already knows the basics, just hasn't committed to full-time toilet use). The child then uses her own panties, her own potty chart, etc. The parent pretty much spends the whole day hyped up and full of energy and enthusiasm, or at least pretends.

We had our party nine days ago. How was it, you ask? Thanks for asking! I'm going to tell you.

First off, it was a helluva lot of work. Example: homemade panties for the doll, shown below, matching the theme of the party, which was "Puppy Picnic!"


So maybe I didn't need to make my own panties for the doll (though the author does suggest it), but truthfully I had a lot of fun with the 3 weeks of preparations for the party. Way more fun than implementing party day.

When party day arrived, we all got off to a terrible start. Ava (and thus, Derek and I) awoke at 5:45, about 3 hours earlier than usual and could not be convinced to go back to bed; she was disappointingly underwhelmed by the trees, flowers, and clouds on the living room wall; the balloons floating o'erhead; the streamers; the row of puppies lined up on the picnic cloth. In fact, she hardly seemed to notice, much less jump for joy. She did notice, however, that she was constipated, and thus spend a couple of hours in the morning painfully trying to take care of that business. The first time Ava started crying (at a very early stage in the party), I felt utter despair. All of this work for the perfect day of fun with mom, and this is what I get! ARGH. I won't go into any more details (haha), but it was a long day with a fair amount of frustration, as well as a good deal of fun for Ava. I mean, this kid had bubbles, Play-Do, a delicious variety of beverages, stickers galore, hot dogs, puppies picnicking, farm animal foam stickers, books, movies, presents, painting, and Mommy at her disposal, so it wasn't exactly miserable. But then, it wasn't exactly successful, either. It's been 9 days since the Party, and I haven't been brave enough yet to leave panties (alone) on my child, but we have banished diapers. Instead, she wears pull-ups, which are just diapers that slip on and cost twice as much. Hmm.



Actually, with some distance from the event, my perspective on the whole thing has softened up a bit. I now view it as a kick-off day for what may be a longer process of diaper liberation. I think it would have gone much more smoothly if Ava had been well-rested. I also think I failed to fully consider Ava's personality, which is possibly a bad match for this type of event: too much hoopla and too much pressure. But we still use the potty chart, the stickers, the potty videos, the Wonder Pets cut-outs (a bit of genius on my part, if I may say so: Linny, Tuck and Ming-Ming using the toilet, washing hands, being rewarded with stickers...). But there's no doubt about it. Potty training is no cup of tea.